These have been trying times. It is with disbelief that I watch the global covid-19 pandemic unfold. I cannot quite grasp the reality of this virus, the implications upon the worlds population, the dramatic affect on how I need to live, day by day.
I have both recently and in the past, reflected a great deal upon the maiden voyage into motherhood. As a new mother of a five-month old, this has been a deep exploration of self. As a midwife this has been a broadening of what was once objective knowledge. As a woman who lost her dear mother and best friend several years ago, this has also been a journey of revisiting grief and yearning for my sweet daughters maternal grandmother, my mother, of focusing my attention on the logistics of how to create support in a space that has a void.
I have for many years felt a passion for supporting mothers-to-be to understand the significance of setting up there own little tribe. A tribe that would be there for each mother’s support, both emotional and practical, following the birth of her darling baby. During these unprecedented, deeply challenging times, this support feels even more vital.
The greatest support I have had as a new mother, and witnessed as a midwife within the community, is support that has no ulterior motive. It is support that puts the mother at the centrepiece. For me this meant my amazing community dropping off food at my doorstep without the expectation that they needed to come inside for their own desire to hold the baby. There were meals every second day that our little family could feast on, there were care packages- boxes of fresh fresh fruit, delicious sourdough bread, bright and cheerful flower posies, breastfeeding teas and nursing pads to name but a few things. I felt like a queen, a much-loved queen with a swell of people holding me up, feeding me strength and love.
I am incredibly grateful for my partner who understood the significance of my fourth trimester and took eight weeks leave from work. I imagine there are many of you now working from home during this time of physical distancing…. treat this as a gift…..this rare time is here for your little family to sow the seeds of togetherness. If this is not the case and you are still working, I urge you to take some time off if you can. If you cannot, then ensure there is solid, consistent, practical support in place such as ready-made meals, washing and cleaning done, alongside consistent presence via face-time/video call check-ins. Seeing a face really helps.
Now is the time to be clear as a new mother as to what support really means. Think of the practicalities whilst also keeping in mind infection control, washing hands, state of wellness of all support people (this is actually something I would implore irrespective of pandemic or not). As a new mother your focus is loving and nurturing your baby, your partners role is loving and nurturing you and your community’s role is to be a tribe of silent warriors around you, not so much seen as they are felt and appreciated. Consider meal drop-offs, invite a friend to collect, wash and return dirty linen/clothing, encourage lactation/emotional/educational support vouchers for online services, preferably face-to-face as seeing other kind souls creates camaraderie in these often isolating times.
It is your responsibility as a pregnant woman to set up your tribe. Have reinforcements in place, start practicing reaching out and voicing fears now, be proactive in establishing support before you might need it. Invite the help of friends and your partner, practice healthy mental hygiene. All these steps are invaluable to how you integrate into the role of mother. You may enter motherhood feeling tender and sore, vulnerable and overwhelmed, I most certainly did. The key is in trusting these depths of emotions as normal, a rare opportunity to slow down and to really listen. The rite of passage that moves maiden to mother is epic, my heart and soul has exploded into a thousand pieces and each day I rebuild the new me. Pandemic or not, motherhood is rich in self-discovery, an unknown journey of surrender sustained by the strength of a self-appointed tribe and a love so deep it forges a path forward into joy and devotion and foreverness.
Big love.xx
Thanks for the beautiful photo by Jenna Norman on Unsplash
bondimidwife 